The day Alexander McQueen told me he wanted to die...

The most incredible designer the UK has ever produced giving the most incredible interview of his career. I take no credit. OK, a little. I at least asked the questions. Pictures @markc_oflaherty

‘Have you ever thought about death?’ I ask Alexander McQueen, one drizzly day in Paris’s fanciest hotel sometime in the early 2000s.

‘All the time,’ he says, glancing over at his boyfriend sulking in the corner. ‘I can’t wait to go. It’s got to be better than this.’

It was surprising at the time – so surprising that I checked he was OK if I included it in the piece for now defunct men’s fashion magazine Arena. But when he committed suicide in 2010, on the eve of his mother’s funeral, that ‘I can’t wait to go’ took on a whole new relevance.

I’m not saying I knew Lee McQueen well but we did go back to before he was famous and he was just an oik running around the gay bars of Soho… A magazine I edited was the first to feature his work on the cover and we were on such good terms thanks to writer and photographer Mark C. O’Flaherty that he even allowed us to let Lorraine Kelly – of all people! - wear something of his for a feature.

When the Arena interview came out - the conversation is below - there was an instant reaction in the press, even TV. Not the death thing, but the attacks on the Beckhams – ‘he’s vainer than the veins in my dick!’ - and the fact that he was desperate to get the hell out of Givenchy.

Anyway, it’s a dreary afternoon in Paris and over at the Hotel Georges V, Alexander McQueen and his boyfriend are having a ‘domestic’. It’s one of those silent, sulky on-going barneys and George – the boyfriend – is now huddled down in an armchair with his jacket zipped up over his nose.

The room is big and beige and messed up with bags that have just come back from a trip to New York, the reason for the barney. Alexander – or Lee, to use his real name - and George were invited over to help open the new Ian Schrager hotel and so many blokes came on to Lee that George had to threaten to bottle one of them to get him to pack it in. It’s only right. They are married after all.

It doesn’t help that the over-attentive hotel staff keep turning up with good luck flowers – the Givenchy show is a couple of days away – that get dumped unceremoniously on the floor, and trays of tea and rinky dinky petits fours. ‘Can you get the front desk to leave us alone,’ goes Lee, in his adenoidal Albert Square accent, padding across to give George a squeeze (‘I just need to kiss my boy!’). The room service man can’t understand his English. ‘Do not disturb, please’.

Propped up on the bed in a jumper and jeans with the pockets torn off, McQueen is the last person you’d expect to find at the head of a Paris fashion house: he’s more lager than he is Lagerfeld with a straight-talking, straight-forward approach more suited to fruit and veg stalls than couture houses. He may be gay but he is totally un-poofy, and that stands out in a world where even the straight blokes are total screamers. He also seems too brainy, too deep if you like, to be making frocks for posh Parisiennes.

The story of how he got here is pure Jackie Collins. Son of an East End cabbie, Lee left school with a single O’level – GCSE’s from back in the day - and rather than follow his dad into the cab trade, like his brother and sister, he apprenticed himself to a Savile Row tailor, where he made jackets for Prince Charles, before moving on to a celebrated theatrical costume maker and then to Milan to cut patterns for Romeo Gigli.

After his MA show at St. Martin’s single-handedly set London swinging again, he embarked on a career that gobbled up headlines – well, transparent clothes packed with human hair and shows called Highland Rape tend to attract attention – and instantaneously became the hottest designer Britain had ever produced. Then, in 1996, with compatriot Galliano moving to Dior, McQueen got the Givenchy call.

Four years and a couple of Designer of the Year awards later, McQueen seems like he’s had it up to here with Givenchy. With his own collections getting career-best reviews and a new McQueen shop having opened just off Bond Street, the love affair with Paris – always a bit unrequited on McQueen’s side – looks like it’s heading for the rocks.

There’s a rumour you’re going to leave Givenchy and come back to London.

Lucky we’re not doing this at Givenchy, isn’t it? Yeah, I did want to leave, but I can’t. I have to see my contract through.

But you would leave if it weren’t for that contract?

Yeah. I’ve done all that I can for the sales. I’ve tried every means possible but you know the saying: too many cooks.

They don’t tell you what to do though, do they?

No, but when the collections leave my hands, they go into the hands of other people and then whatever I’ve done on the catwalks has been dismissed. As you can see from the windows and the advertising. It just gets completely fucking taken away. So I asked to leave in January next year and they said, ‘No, we can’t let you leave’, and I said, ‘Well in that case you’re just going to let me do my fucking job.’ I will stick up for this house and say that I’m here and stay here till the end of my contract but I’m taking control of it from now on, otherwise it’s going to be the worst year of their life, you know. Fire me! ‘Cause that’s what I wanted anyway.

How do you get on with the other big designers? They like to have a go, don’t they?

Vivienne Westwood said I had one ounce of talent. I had slagged her off for how connected she wanted to be to royalty, how from being someone who was completely anti-establishment she went completely the other way. I kind of had a high regard for her but I think she’s starting to sound as naff as Malcolm McLaren when he goes on about the fucking Sex Pistols. Something so brilliant, you’ve turned it into something so cheesy. Just ‘cause you didn’t know how to work it when you had it, don’t try and fucking work it now. And that’s what she seems to be doing. She’s just digging a deeper hole for herself.

And Yves Saint Laurent called you a ‘talentless upstart’ or something, didn’t he?

I just think it’s sad. It’s like pop stars. People should know when to pack it in.

How would you feel if your own label turned into a global brand like YSL?

It’s controlling that situation that’s scary.

At what point does it become ‘show me the money’ and never mind what the clothes are like?

If it got to that point then I’d stop. I’ve got enough money to live on now but when I lose my passion for fashion then I quit. I’ve never been a materialistic person so it’s really hard to comprehend people who are because what are you fucking going to do with it? Bury yourself with it? I think I’ve always been the sort of person that’ll end up fucking poor at the end of it. I was born with shit, I’ll fucking die with shit. It’s like the fame thing. I’ve always been a wallflower, I like to look in on the situation but it’s really brain-fucky ‘cause all of a sudden the wall’s turned around on you. And I don’t kind of like it. It’s really freaked me out. I can feel it now that I’m a more famous person and it gives me panic attacks. I’m even shaking now thinking about it.

Is it kind of weird when you get everything you ever dreamed of when you were sitting in your bedroom in the East End?

That was exactly it. I got Givenchy and I had my down payment put into my account, and that same day I paid my aunt off my money for St Martins and I went and bought a house in Islington, bought it outright and I thought, all this time I’ve been worrying about being homeless and freaking about not being able to feed myself and it was just like [clicks fingers] instantaneous. You get to that point and you’ve met the Queen of England... Well, actually I haven’t ‘cause I don’t want to meet her.

Have you been given the chance?

Yeah, and I didn’t turn up. Because I’m an anti-royalist, I don’t believe in the royal family. I don’t believe they do a job for the country, I just don’t believe they’re worth the money they get paid.

You met the Blairs, though.

Yeah. I didn’t really care for Tony Blair that much either really. I don’t know. He came across as really superficial and so did his wife. She actually pulled me towards her for a picture and I was like [gives freaked out look] ‘What?’

So, you’re not one of Tony’s cronies?

I don’t believe he’s right. I think it needs a clean sweep.

Revolution?

Yeah, I think it does maybe. As long as it’s nothing like the French Revolution ‘cause that did fuck all for this place. Look at it. Tony Blair lived in a mansion in Islington. What does he fucking know about the person who’s begging? Please!

What kind of men buy McQueen men’s wear?

Quite a lot of gay men buy McQueen but also quite a lot of straight men and people I’d always assumed were homophobic are getting more attached to McQueen. More celebrities. I don’t class them as homophobic but the vibe they give off isn’t so gay-friendly. Like Lenny Kravitz ordered all this McQueen denim in and one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. You’ve got Goldie and all that type of people and Bowie. Then you’ve got quite a lot of East End lads buying the jeans ‘cause they’ve heard he’s an East End lad and he’s done well and ‘I’ve got a shirt of his’ and all that. It’s all good. You can’t get a wider spread: you’ve got your gay party, your hard nut party, your famous heterosexual party, you’ve got your famous gays, you’ve got your Elton Johns. [Laughing] I’ve covered the spectrum, me. I’m bigger than M&S.

Is there anyone you’ve seen wearing it and you’ve thought, ‘I wish you wouldn’t’?

When it comes down to coming to my shows, Posh Spice and Beckham are somewhere near Mars. Whatever. Don’t even show me that fucking man’s face on Hello! one more time, I swear I’m going to pulp it. This man is vainer than the veins running through my dick, I swear. And that’s vain.

They’ve asked to come and you’ve turned them down?

Fucking right! At the end of the day, it’s about my clothes and the hard work that everyone backstage puts into it, not about the fucking tosser sitting in the front row lapping it up. And that’s why I didn’t let Posh Spice come to it in the first place. This is my company. Their business is on Top of the Pops, my business is to sell clothes, know what I mean? And all the stars you do see at my shows, be it Gwyneth Paltrow, be it anyone else, are because I’ve got a connection with them.

I would have thought Elton John was pretty near Posh Spice…

Me and Elton get on really well because we both come from the same neck of the woods, not East London but the same sort of family backgrounds and that’s why he appreciates me. That’s his words. And he’s a very sweet guy.

What sort of woman do you design for?

Intelligent women.

So you don’t mind if they’re short and fat?

No. That was the whole purpose of the show with the moths not being butterflies.

Are you a product of your upbringing or a self-made man?

My upbringing. It’s not about my parents being supportive, it’s just the way it was. They actually weren’t that supportive at the beginning. It doesn’t mean they were bad, they just didn’t understand and you don’t expect them to. It’s a completely different world where I’m selling one of my dresses for fucking £125,000. It’s like hello, that’s a fucking castle in Scotland.

Do they mix with your world at all?

My mum and Isabella [Blow] are really very close. I don’t get attached to the clients ‘cause even I don’t understand that world. At the end of the day, I’m like a plumber, I’m like an electrician: I’m doing a service and they happen to like the service I provide so they come to me rather than Joe Bloggs down the road.

Are you vain?

Not at all. I wish I was.

You had your teeth done.

I had ‘em knocked out! It was two things: I had a fight at school and had my face smashed against the railings… it was just a fight in the locker room. Then I did a backward somersault in the pool and landed on my face and that’s why I’ve got a face like a saucepan.

And the liposuction?

Yeah, I did have liposuction. You have to understand that when I was at school, I was a brown belt in judo and I swam fly for the school and I was fit. Not Muscle Mary fit but I was fit. But fashion is about sitting on your arse. And then there was a sexual thing where there was this person that kind of fucked a lot of things up for me, fucked me up big time. Which I will never forgive him for. It was my very first gay boyfriend introducing me to very weird hard gay sex scenes. He got it completely wrong and it completely screwed me up. Let’s just say it was the complete opposite to the monogamous side of gay lifestyle and that’s why I’m a bit bitter about that kind of gay lifestyle, I don’t agree with it.

How long have you been together, you and your boyfriend?

Seven months. We’re married.

Wasn’t it on someone’s yacht?

How did you know that? Yeah, it was on this Prince of Gambia’s yacht with this new age priest, ‘cause I’m an atheist. Kate Moss and Anabel Nielson were our bridesmaids. Karen Mulder was there, and Sadie Frost and Jude Law. It was all surreal. But we’re doing it again in London.

What, it’s going to be a regular thing?

No, it’s for our families. We were going to do it anyway, like a quiet thing, but it got a bit out of hand ‘cause there was too many celebs so we wanted to do it again, and properly with our real family and - Kate is a real friend - but with all of our real friends, not just people that happen to be on a fucking giant great big yacht in the middle of Ibiza.

Are you an Ibiza person?

No, not at all. We were in the old town. It was alright. We did have amazing sex on the natural part, on the rocks and it was just like the way it should be.

Why did you want to get married?

‘Cause I love him and I believe in monogamy. He’s too much of a good catch. Not just the way he looks, but the way he thinks. It’s really rare to come across another gay guy that thinks the same as you. People don’t believe there are gay people out there who just want to settle down. And yeah, I do want to have a kid. Fuck it, I’m the youngest of six, I’ve got so many nieces and nephews, I’ve got a godson now and I want to have a kid and believe I should be able to have a kid and he feels the same.

Will the wedding be public?

We’ve talked about that but we’re not too sure. He doesn’t want it to be public. His mum and dad don’t want it to be public. But we’re very pro-gay and we’ve been thinking of doing it in Hello! magazine just to show people. I come from a very working-class East End upbringing and he’s from a Jewish background from North London and we just want to show that, with all the gay sex shit thing, it’s like it’s all out there if you want that sort of lifestyle but if you want a different lifestyle…

So, it’s not all about partying and shagging male models?

No! I’m happiest with George, on our own with our dogs, getting stoned or getting nutted. We do things like at four o’clock in the morning just take the dogs down to Brighton. I do like going out once in a while, going to Queer Nation and, if we’re with a good set of mates that I feel relaxed around, I can get down. ‘Cause there’ll be people who try to play you and it all gets a bit intense.

When was the last time you decked someone?

I haven’t decked someone since once at G.A.Y I broke a glass ashtray over someone’s head. The most recent time I nearly decked someone was because of George. This guy knew he was with me but he kept on looking at George and blatantly and in the end I just went up to him and said, ‘Can’t you see I’m with my bloke. Yeah, he’s good-looking but look, appreciate him and move on or I’m going to fucking knock you out.’

Do you do the whole E thing?

Yeah. I do drugs. Yeah, I’ve experienced everything there is to experience. Don’t tell me there’s anyone in my business who hasn’t. I’ve never been a big E-taker. I did take MDMA for the first time this year and that was fucking killer.

Do you ever think about death?

All the time. I can’t wait to go. It’s got to be better than this. George feels the same. We’re fascinated that this is not the end picture. I’m not happy with this. This is nothingness. Yeah, there are beautiful sights in the world, but as for human beings… there are too many black souls out there to make this a happy place. I’m not advocating taking drugs but… You understand why you want to get on another plane when you’ve got all this shit to deal with. It’s like, just get me out of this fucking hole and I don’t give a shit what it takes

.